


I'm Teaching Raymond The Math

by mystery_deer



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Apologies, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, M/M, No math has been taught in the making of this fic, Smut, arguing about puzzles with your husband, is like pulling a girl you like's pigtail in class
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:08:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22495381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystery_deer/pseuds/mystery_deer
Summary: Raymond badgers Kevin until he doesn't
Relationships: Kevin Cozner/Ray Holt
Comments: 3
Kudos: 119





	I'm Teaching Raymond The Math

“Should we drive to a local hospital, locate the maternity ward and ask newborn babies the answer? Because I believe they’re more equipped to solve the problem than you.”

Raymond leaned back, propping himself on a nearby wall as Kevin stewed in vitriol and chopped carrots a bit too ferociously.   
Raymond had come home more determined than ever to win Kevin over to his side, which they had both seemingly agreed would be done by insulting one another’s intelligence until one man acquiesced. It made for tense dinners, prepared loudly and eaten silently. 

Diaz’s extremely unprofessional comment had made the man even more irritable. Because of how ridiculous it was. He thought, glancing down at Kevin’s ass. He’d bought new pants recently (an expense that they had not budgeted for) purely to vex him. And vex him they did. Not because of how perfectly they accentuated his figure - but because of the wasteful expenditure. 

Yes, that was it. 

Kevin had not retorted with a remark of his own and Raymond was silent for a moment, they both wondered if their irritation with each other had reached an even more juvenile silent treatment. Then he spoke again.

“While we’re there should we consult the twinkles in prospective fathers’ eyes? Becau-”

Kevin set down his knife with a loud bang and approached his husband, whose eyes widened in surprise. “Raymond Jacob Holt you are the most infuriating,” He began, voice low but steady and firm.

“Stubborn, Headstrong,” Kevin’s arms shot out and he was suddenly in front of Raymond, blocking him in, staring down at him. His eyes shone with passion and Raymond felt his heart beat faster, something was happening.

“Argumentative and discourteous man I’ve ever met!” He finished.

The following kiss left Raymond feeling almost dazed.   
“Kevin?” He breathed.

“What, no smart-aleck remark?” Kevin asked. He was so very...tall in that moment. Attractively tall. As Raymond was admiring this fact Kevin leaned down and whispered in his husband’s ear.   
“Je vais te baiser sans cervelle.” A pleasant chill ran up his spine at the words.

“Kevin that’s...awful diction.” He sighed, enamored.  
“Yes.” Kevin said, devil-may-care attitude arousing Raymond further.

They kissed again. And again, and again and then they were upstairs in their bedroom.

“You smell very nice.” Raymond remarked in between kisses, unbuttoning his husband’s shirt. “I am still unclear on the math.”

“To hell with the math.” Raymond’s fingers stuttered, skipping a button as his eyes shot up to meet Kevin’s. 

“What did you say?”  
“You heard me. I don’t care about Monty Hall, I care about us. About you.” Raymond’s head tilted slightly to the right and his eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second. He was utterly flabbergasted. 

“I don’t understand this either.” He admitted, continuing to undo buttons to give himself something to focus on other than the multiple confusing things he didn’t understand anymore.

“It was never about Monty Hall. I thought it was at first, but then it all...snowballed. I didn’t even know why I was being so obstinate I just…” He paused thoughtfully.   
“I miss you, Raymond. I missed you when you were in Florida and it was almost worse having you here. Having pieces of you but never seeing you and I expressed that frustration in the wrong way. I’m sorry.”

Raymond did not think of Rosa Diaz smiling smugly with a rough ‘I told you so.’  
He instead focused on his husband’s hand which was now cupping his cheek and urging him to look into his eyes. Which he did.

“I’m sorry for behaving like a dumbass.” He blurted out. “It was childish. I didn’t want to understand your side. I just wanted to needle you, I liked it when you were so...I missed you too.” He stumbled through the rest of his sentiment, feeling like an oaf next to Kevin’s carefully thought out apology.

But he smiled, and it made Raymond’s chest go soft.   
He looked different than he remembered, older. It surprised him sometimes to see pictures of them when they were young, surprised him that they’d aged so much, been together for so long. It had felt so easy, even the hard times had been easy when together.

He smiled back without realizing he was doing it.

“I will try to make more time with you.” He asserted, moving his hand up to hold Kevin’s wrist.   
“I will do the same. We’ll have to rearrange our schedule.” Raymond sighed his husband’s name. He was truly with the romantic man in the world.

“Now then.” He coughed, freeing Kevin from his button-up and kissing his neck. “I believe you promised me...délice de l'après-midi.”

“Oh, Raymond.” Kevin said, pushing him back onto the bed and peering down at him with a hungry grin. “It’s well into the evening.”

And Raymond rolled his eyes because Kevin was far too stringent sometimes. He was of course extremely fond of his rigorousness (in everything his mind was put to) but there was a hard line between strict and snobby.

Kevin pressed himself against him.  
Oh.  
A very hard line indeed.

It was odd seeing each other naked after all that time away, but not bad. He cataloged all the new things he was seeing in Kevin.

A knick on his cheek from a razor, copious amounts of ink on his fingers from a defective pen, he’d had to get a filling on one of his teeth, a scab on his calf from scratching at a cut. 

Kevin commented on his leg, asked if it would be okay.   
Raymond recommended they not jostle it too much. 

“Though I don’t think it will be an issue.” He added. “You aren’t going to fuck my leg.”

And Kevin flushed, exactly as Raymond had predicted he would. It was nice to know, he thought as Kevin lifted his bad leg to rest on his shoulder, that he still knew him well enough to predict that sort of thing.

“You’re such a gentle man, it shocks me.” Kevin had said once, years ago. Raymond had called his penis a ‘cock’ and Kevin had gripped Raymond’s hair so tightly he’d pulled away. 

“A gentle man or a gentleman?” He’d asked.  
“Both.”  
“Well Kevin Cozner, you are a bad influence on me.” He declared, focusing his attention back on Kevin’s cock with the man’s hands now safely gripping the definitely-not-their bedsheets. 

Raymond gripped their bedsheets now as Kevin entered him, it had been so long since they were together. He grit his teeth. Kevin stopped.  
“Did I not use enough lubricant?” His husband asked, concerned. Raymond leaned up and kissed him.  
“No, it’s fine. I just...it’s been awhile.”  
Kevin made a face, eyes moving. He paused a bit, making it clear he was trying to digest information. He looked adorable.

“...Did you not...? While I wasn’t there?”   
“What? No! No I didn’t...just.” They were silent for a moment. He hadn't even thought about it.   
What would he do, he asked, go buy a dildo in nowhere Florida?   
Kevin laughed softly.

“Now who’s the snob?” Raymond rolled his eyes.  
“Still the man who refused to eat at his own friend’s grand opening because you thought that themed restaurants were too tac-” He let out a strangled moan in the middle of his sentence as Kevin chose that moment to thrust into him.

“This is vastly preferable to arguing.” The vile, handsome, perfect man commented as he left Raymond speechless. “I quite enjoy the look of you like this.”

He could think of a hundred witty comebacks but his tongue refused to work, everything refused to work, he couldn’t think of anything but Kevin. Smug, smiling Kevin who brought his hand up to his lips and kissed it so gallantly while fucking him senseless.

He came with a heavy sigh, holding his husband close as he followed soon after. They didn’t move until both their hearts slowed to a normal speed. 

“You can be a cruel man when you want to be.” Raymond remarked, standing and stretching. His leg felt a bit stiff but otherwise fine. He needed a shower, he was hungry, he looked at Kevin. 

...Who was lounging on the bed, invitingly half-dressed and staring at him with those eyes...those eyes that said he was far from done with their 'lesson.'

He was going to come in late tonight.


End file.
